We were asked for a review of 2018.
Now we’re the type of people who prefer to look forward but…
We must deliver the will of the people.
NB – We are no slaves to time or truth so the content may not be chronologically or factually correct.
January – Dry. Kind of. More damp really, leaning towards wet. Save St Albans Pubs!
Trains – Bad. Ticket prices up. Although cancellations and delays were up too so there’s a kind of symmetry and order at play here.
Buses – Bad. Why aren’t they electric? Why aren’t they warm? You wait ages for one and then…
Sinkholes – Bad. You wait decades for one then…
Potholes – Bad. Efforts to rectify are on a par with bailing out the Titanic with a teaspoon.
New Mayor – Great. Cllr Rosemary Farmer. We say “great” but only because we feel a Mayor called Rose Farmer may do something pretty with the park flower beds. Plus, we can only assume that the Royal National Rose Society based at the Gardens of the Rose is her family business. Which is nice.
Police – Great. New Chief Inspector vowed to tackle the wave of burglaries. Chief Inspector replaced (repeat as necessary) We think we’re still on the 3rd one? It may well be Inspector Gadget by now for all we know. Tip – Never “vow” anything. It only leads to woe. Ask Theresa.
Tree Felling – Bad. They chopped down the tree at the Clock Tower. The tree had to come down for “safety reasons” not because it interfered with any planned projections of a Christmassy nature on the tower.
Christmas lights turn on – Enlightening. But if it gets any earlier then it’ll start to compete with Bonfire Night.
Christmas Fair – Fair. But somebody didn’t want it anywhere near where they live.
Housing – Fair. Plans for 15,000 in the district but nobody wants them anywhere near where they live.
Museum – Good (ish). But £7.75m? (could have built some houses). Does anyone else start singing “1-2-3 1-2-3 drink!” when they see the chandeliers in the Georgian Assembly Room?
UK’s Strongest Man – Good. But where, exactly, was the leader of the DUP? (Yes, we know).
St Albans Boy – V Bad. Fell “up to his nose” in Verulamium Lake. We never found out if this was head or feet first? One of which wouldn’t be quite so dramatic. We also wonder if, like Dr Foster, he never went there again?
Verulamium Lake – Bad. Still dirty. Ask the St Albans boy.
Heatwave – Good. Remember moaning how hot it was? Well, say “Hello” to burst pipes and slushy pavements people!
Back soon Folks! (After we’ve saved another St Albans pub!)
