St Albans – Film 2017

‘The Mind’ is the theme of this year’s St Albans Film Festival. All the mind-related films below are previous winners of the prestigious American film industry’s prestigious Golden Lobe Awards and are being shown at secret locations locally this weekend.

Brain Man – Dustin Hoffman plays an autistic man from Harpenden who is very specific about which airline he flies with – “EasyJet. EasyJet never crashed…”

Billion Dollar Brain
– a film documenting the decisions of the County Councillor who decided that the hottest day of the year would be a good time to get the contractors out to do tarmac repairs.
Inside Out – a woman from Bernard’s Heath can’t find the recipe for her toddler’s favourite Quinoa dish and goes crazy, turning the kitchen upside down in desperation, as she’s got an important lunchtime play-date with the new neighbours’ kids.

Citizen Brain – a story about a scarecrow from Flamstead who follows the yellow brick road to St Albans in search of something to put between his ears.

Singin in the Brain – the tale of man from Fleetville who attends every single tribute act gig at The Horn and can’t get songs by The Jamm, The Smyths and the Kings of Lyon out of his head.

2001: A Space Odyssey – a documentary detailing the problems encountered by just over two thousand cinema-goers in finding convenient parking facilities near 166 London Road.

A Beautiful Mind
– a woman from Beaconsfield enters politics and selflessly dedicates her time in office to campaign for the one thing that matters above all else to her constituents: poo-sticks.
The (Re)searchers – a story about a couple of agricultural scientists from Rothampstead who follow the main road to St Albans in search of genetically unmodified Native American brain food for their niece.
 
Limitless – an extraordinary Council Cabinet meeting sees every member take mysterious pills in order to come up with a solution to Scum Lake (formerly known as Verulamium Lake).
 
Mad Macs – a burger flipper at the drive-thru in Griffiths Way flips his lid and turns vigilante when customers repeatedly throw food wrappers out of car windows.

Genius – a docudrama about selling sausage sandwiches at recently opened DIY stores.
 
3 Idiots – an everyday tale about men who go to Batchwood every Saturday night with only one thing on their minds: the chance to meet shy, retiring librarians who want to settle down and have children.
 
V for Vienetta – a man from Jersey Farm eats a whole ice-cream dessert and gets brain-freeze.

Working Titles

AL3 WTF brings you a sneaky list of some of the films to be previewed at this weekend’s St Albans Film Fest.
The Redbourn Supremacy – Villagers flaunt their postcodes at nearby Hemel residents.

Das Boot – Subtitled German movie about men crammed into a small pub near the Clock Tower.

From Here to……..Eternity – An everyday drama of Thameslink commuter woes.

Vertigo – The Clock Tower opens for spring.

North by Northwest – New Greens

West Side Story – Car Broken into in Oysterfields.

The Holywell Hill Has Eyes – Opticians at no. 4

V for Viennetta – unruly crowds gather around the ice cream van in Verulamium Park.

The Sound of Music – The Horn at 1am on a Sat Night.

The Graduate – Herts Uni Caped Crusaders Invade Town Centre for Annual Ceremony.

Some Like It Hot – Vindaloo at Mumtaj

Apocalypse Now – closing time at Wetherspoon’s.

There Will Be Blood – closing time at Wetherspoon’s.

It Happened One Night – at the Adelaide, usually.

Guys and Dolls –  Tales of unsuccessful nights at Batchwood and air pumps (Cert 18)

Guest Director Season

(A series of films Directed by, Produced by, Written by & Starring Barry C. Ashin)

Tango and Cashin – Buddy movie starring a fizzy beverage drinking frustrated letter writer.

12 Angry Men – (sci-fi) Frustrated letter writer clones himself so he can write more letters to local newspapers.

Barry on Screaming – Comedy horror movie about a frustrated letter writer who has a fear of women breastfeeding in St Albans coffee shops.

How To Train Your Dragon – A frustrated letter writer gives advice to husbands of SAMs.




and finally, coming to a screen near you soon,  a musical about a frustrated letter writer and his failed foray into films. Working title………………………………….,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Les Miserables(sod) .