February 2019 -

So, January’s over and 2019 is in full swing. How’s it been for you so far? Well, if you fell in to the trap that is the New Year Resolution, chances are not too good.

Figures from the Ministry of Everything Socially Significant suggest a third of resolutions fail before the end of January. Feeling bad? Don’t. We are here to help.

According to Professor Anna Lyze, a Human Behaviour expert at MESS, “Most NYRs fail for two main reasons. Firstly, it is the New Year und secondly, it is a resolution. Ze timing is all wrong and you haff chosen something you don’t want to do”. (PS – We’re not sure why she talks like that as she’s from Luton?!)

We agree. You’ve just spent the Christmas Holidays acclimatising your body to excess food and drink and lounging around in your PJs, eating popcorn watching reruns of films you’ve seen before and now you’re going to force it into cold turkey (withdrawal not leftovers) mode and expect all be fine and dandy.

Why give up chocolate when Easter is just around the corner and the shops are filled with egg or bunny shaped versions of every chocolate variety known to mankind?

The same goes for alcohol. Dry January? Why bother? It can only lead to an internal conflict of your liver’s health vs supporting the Save St Albans Pubs campaign (only one winner there!). As if that’s not enough, you’ve got a houseful of leftover Christmas booze that needs consuming before it goes out of date.

Besides, what kind of person waits all year to make a choice about something anyway? What were you doing for the other 364 days?!

That’s not to say you shouldn’t aim to change little things here and there. At AL3 Towers, for example, we committed to stop wasting.

Wasting leftover Christmas booze?
Simple! Eggnog and bacon is an obvious choice for breakfast.

Wasting away? Eat chocolate!

Wasting time worrying about the future? Easy, don’t mention the “B word” until at least March the 29^th.

This is an easy one anybody can do, especially when there are so many other words beginning with B.

Border, Backstop, Brussels, Balls-up, Boris, Buffoon, Breakfast, Bacon, Bols (mmm eggnog) and, of course, BLOG!

Brussels Square
Brussels Round

Wasting time generally? Stop reading this!

We’ll be back soon. Stay strong.

We were asked for a review of 2018.
Now we’re the type of people who prefer to look forward but…
We must deliver the will of the people.

NB – We are no slaves to time or truth so the content may not be chronologically or factually correct.

January – Dry. Kind of. More damp really, leaning towards wet. Save St Albans Pubs!

Trains – Bad. Ticket prices up. Although cancellations and delays were up too so there’s a kind of symmetry and order at play here.

a train — Let the train take the strain.

Buses – Bad. Why aren’t they electric? Why aren’t they warm? You wait ages for one and then…

Sinkholes – Bad. You wait decades for one then…

Potholes – Bad. Efforts to rectify are on a par with bailing out the Titanic with a teaspoon.

New Mayor – Great. Cllr Rosemary Farmer. We say “great” but only because we feel a Mayor called Rose Farmer may do something pretty with the park flower beds. Plus, we can only assume that the Royal National Rose Society based at the Gardens of the Rose is her family business. Which is nice.

Police – Great. New Chief Inspector vowed to tackle the wave of burglaries. Chief Inspector replaced (repeat as necessary) We think we’re still on the 3^rd one? It may well be Inspector Gadget by now for all we know. Tip – Never “vow” anything. It only leads to woe. Ask Theresa.

Tree Felling – Bad. They chopped down the tree at the Clock Tower. The tree had to come down for “safety reasons” not because it interfered with any planned projections of a Christmassy nature on the tower.

Christmas lights turn on – Enlightening. But if it gets any earlier then it’ll start to compete with Bonfire Night.

Christmas Fair – Fair. But somebody didn’t want it anywhere near where they live.

Housing – Fair. Plans for 15,000 in the district but nobody wants them anywhere near where they live.

Museum – Good (ish). But £7.75m? (could have built some houses). Does anyone else start singing “1-2-3 1-2-3 drink!” when they see the chandeliers in the Georgian Assembly Room?

a chandelier — We’re gonna swing from this chandelier, this chandelier.

UK’s Strongest Man – Good. But where, exactly, was the leader of the DUP? (Yes, we know).

St Albans Boy – V Bad. Fell “up to his nose” in Verulamium Lake. We never found out if this was head or feet first? One of which wouldn’t be quite so dramatic. We also wonder if, like Dr Foster, he never went there again?

child playing in water — Don’t drink the water!

Verulamium Lake – Bad. Still dirty. Ask the St Albans boy.

Heatwave – Good. Remember moaning how hot it was? Well, say “Hello” to burst pipes and slushy pavements people!

Back soon Folks! (After we’ve saved another St Albans pub!)

Month: February 2019

Resolutions Solutions

Don’t Look Back In Anger